I have this friend that is a very good friend most of the time. But a good 45% of the time, she drives me freaking nuts. She has a good heart and is always there for me and so I feel guilty that I get so pissed off at her and then come on anonymous blogs to rant. Perhaps I'm a bad person. But, damnit she frustrates the hell out of me!
First I want to say that her husband accuses her of over-planning all the time. This is one of the main sources of their arguments and fights. He thinks she tries to plan his life down to the minute and she thinks he says he wants to take it easy, but really is just lazy and leaves things to the last minute or doesn't do anything at all until she gets on him about it. I can see both sides of this. He is the anti-planner. He wants to just wake up late and decide how the mood strikes him and then maybe lazily drag out of bed and get dressed and by the time he decides to go somewhere, it is 3pm and too late to go enjoy an entire day as a family. I am usually on her side in these arguments. That is what good girlfriends do... always take your side. But today, there came a moment when I had to bite my tongue to keep from shouting, " THIS... THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT YOUR HUSBAND IS TALKING ABOUT! I AM NOT EVEN MARRIED TO OR OBLIGATED TO YOU IN ANY WAY AND YOU ARE DOING IT TO ME!!"
Let's back up.
We go to Weight Watchers together every Friday morning after I drop Daughter off at preschool. I pick my friend up and we go weigh in, stay for the meeting and then go to lunch afterwards. I told her yesterday that if she wanted to stay for the meeting this week, she would have to drive herself, because I was just going to weigh in and then was coming straight home because I had things to do and Friday afternoon was Daughter's Valentine Party at school. She said coming straight home was fine and I thought that was the end of it.
Until she called me today. Here is the conversation:
FRIEND: When you say you are coming straight home after weighing in on Friday, you aren't going to eat or anything?
ME: No, I'm weighing in and coming home.
FRIEND: What time is Daughter's party?
FRIEND: Our meeting is at 10, you need 3 and a half hours to get home and get ready to go?
ME: No, I have to run some errands too.
FRIEND: But, I need to go to [a store that is near the meeting] to exchange something.
ME: Then you will have to drive.
FRIEND: What errand do you have?
ME: I have to go by the post office because I promised to mail a care package to Ricky last week, but with both kids getting sick, I just haven't had the time. I also need to go to the grocery store. I am out of practically everything.
FRIEND: If those things are so important, why are you not going to do them tomorrow instead of Friday?
ME: Because I promised to take [other friend] out to lunch for her birthday tomorrow.
FRIEND: You can't run to the grocery store after you drop daughter off at preschool. You would be there by 9:10 and could get everything done then.
ME: No, because, like I said, I am out of almost everything and need to shop a lot.
FRIEND: Well, what do you need to buy that takes you three hours to shop and get home and put it away?
ME:(starting to get really frustrated) I don't HAVE three hours! I would just have about an hour to shop, get home, put things away and be back at [friend]'s house by 10:30. We have reservations at 11.
FRIEND: WHO eats lunch at 11?
ME: Ummm.... we do? Besides, it's HER birthday, I think she can choose what time she wants to eat! And we wanted to have time to eat, have a glass of wine and perhaps dessert and not have to rush home.
FRIEND: Why aren't you having reservations at noon and you have plenty of time to eat and get back to pick up Daughter by 3:30?
ME: Because [friend] wants a peaceful lunch for her birthday and therefore is dropping her baby off at hourly care. Hourly care only goes until 2pm and we don't want to be rushing back!
FRIEND: Oh... well, that makes sense then. Okay.. I'll drive Friday.
HOLY GOD-THAT FELT LIKE THE INQUISITION!!! I was exhausted by the end of that conversation. And pissed off. Why the hell should it matter what I am doing, at what time and how I am managing my time. I shouldn't have to be accountable like that to someone. Why couldn't, "I have errands to run" have been sufficient enough of an answer?
And I realized then EXACTLY what her husband was talking about when he gets all pissed about her planning things.