Lately, I've been hearing tale after tale about how some young lady that a friend/relative knows who is having a baby. And more often than not, the girl is in high school or their early 20's, and marriage isn't even a consideration in the equation.
I also had a conversation with a friend last week who was troubled about the fact that her daughter (in her mid 30's) had been diagnosed with HPV. The diagnosis was upsetting to her, but she was overwhelmed with disappointment that BOTH of her adult children continue to have complications from unprotected sex and STD's.
The final straw came on Sunday when one of my distant cousins posted a picture of, yet another, new grandchild. A new baby is a magical, wonderful celebration for every family, but NOT ONE of my cousin's kids have ever been married! Her kids are still single AND HAVING BABIES!!! WTF?!? To be clear...I am ALL for "taking care of your responsibility", but I'm also from the camp of "each child deserves to have a family". And by "family", I mean a mom and a dad who live under the same roof, share the same last name, and occasionally go to a sporting event together.
SO! After mulling over all these accounts of new babies, STD's, and family chaos, I did what I always do....I talked to my oldest son. He's in high school, and we talk A LOT about morals, standards, drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, and choices. It's not always comfortable to talk to your child about anal sex or masturbation, but it's out there, and frankly, I want to be the one to answer his questions and find out where his head is at on different topics.
So the "talk" began. We talked about the ramifications of making the choice to have unprotected sex. We talked about STD's. We talked about a woman who has herpes from when she was younger, and how horrified she was all through her pregnancy that she (or her husband) might have an outbreak. We talked about a kid (not much older than Barnes), who got his girlfriend pregnant and had to drop out of school his junior year to work as a mechanic to support the baby, and he doesn't even speak to the mother of their baby anymore. We talked about REAL. LIFE. SHIT.
As we were finishing up the conversation, I asked him if he and his GF had ever gotten close to having sex and he said, "No"....but there was something to the way he said it. There was a look on his face that I get a glimpse of when I ask, "Who ate the BLASTED COOKIE DOUGH AGAIN?!" I took a deeeeeeeep cleansing breath.........and I told him that nothing that he told me could make me love him any less. To which he replied, "Yes, I have had sex."
I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. We talked AT LENGTH about this little disclosure, and we're STILL talking about it. At least he trusts me enough to tell me the harsh truth, right?
Could someone pass the Prozac, please?