Thursday, October 14, 2010

Won't My Mommy Be So Proud of Me?

About thirty seconds after Mama Kat emailed out this week's writing prompts, my cell started ringing. Ethel was calling me to tell me to check my email and pay specific regard to prompt #3- Why I'm not inviting my mother to read my blog. We laughed.. hysterically.

You see... this prompt has our names written all over it! For crying out loud, we started a whole anonymous blog so our mothers wouldn't read it! But the question seems a bit more specific- so the reasons I, Lucy, am not inviting my mother (or any other family member for that matter) to read this blog:

My sister is bat-shit crazy. Not in the I-like-to-say-my-slightly-quirky-family-member-that-does-quirky-annoying-things-is-crazy sort of way, but in the I'm-pretty-sure-if-she-would-drag-her-crazy-ass-into-a-professional's-office-she's-be-certifiable crazy. And you just can't have that kind of front row seat to crazy and not share some of the stories.

Because my sister-in-law and my sister should be twins- despite there being a twenty-eight year difference in their ages, they act identical. Add to that the fact that my in-laws absolutely loathe me.. and that's material too! Double my blessings in the crazy department. Who's a lucky girl? I AM!

Then there is the fact that my mother is a bit nutsy too! She holds a grudge- and carries out her revenge with the conviction and maturity of a pre-teen girl. Either I am the only sane one or I am just as delusional as the rest of them. Either way- win for you, the reader!

There are so many more reasons that will just have to unfold within the confines and secrecy of this blog, but I have to leave some space for Ethel to tell us why she doesn't want her mother to read this blog.

The reason why I, Ethel, will not EVER be inviting my mother to read this blog is because:
  1. I would like for my mother to continue wearing her rose colored glasses. She's a good person who loves others and tries to see the best in them, above all else. I fall short on this order and tend to see things in a more literal, sometimes a tad cynical, light.
  2. Family relationships and friendships, where honesty IS NOT the best policy, would probably never recover.
  3. Mother wouldn't handle it well if I told her that her sister is a narcissistic narrow minded ballbuster who only sees the world one way - HER WAY.  After the last few times that we've been in close company with she and her offspring, it's safe to state that I will ONLY spend time with that branch of the Truman family again if there is an absolute emergency, a family crisis, or I have a planned escape route.  It's just not worth it anymore.
  4. My mother is sympathetic, to a fault, regarding my loser sister, Samantha.  Sam lives her life like an aimless adult child.  It goes without saying that she has children of her own, doesn't work at all, floats from man to man, has a substance abuse problem, and STILL manages to prey on my mother's sympathy.  WTF?!?  This is where I proudly wear my snobby-unfeeling-judgemental-bitch-of-a-sister name tag.  
Some things are better left alone and unacknowledged by certain eyes.

So, there you have it, folks- the very reasons we started this blog and proof to you, the reader, that we have loads of material to keep this blog going for quite some time....or eternity, which ever comes first.  And we would also like to take this opportunity to tell you that if your Mom does read your blog, but you have something you need to post about that you fear might not be Mom-approved, feel free to shoot us an email and you can guest post for us.  If you are brave, we can identify you and link to your blog, or if you truly need an anonymous platform for your rant, we will keep your identity totally under wraps.

We love to dish the dirt, but we can also keep a secret.

~Lucy and Ethel


  1. Man I've got to get some stuff written out for you. Not because of my mom, but because my bitch of a SIL has found my blog. UGH. I think she would be great friends with y'alls sisters.

  2. I thought I had in-law issues. Secrets are a good thing! :)

  3. OMG. Are we twins? Do we have the same family? The only difference is I'm the bad one. (come back to the fold over the last few years, but still)
    I submitted this prompt, and was crazy-thrilled when MamaKats chose it. I'm really enjoying reading the posts of people who are SO like minded.

  4. Lucky for me, my mom has Alzheimer's - I can now say anything I want...and do.

    I don't have any inlaw problems - lucky again.

    But I sure would like to vent some spousal venom from time to time - is this offer only good for moms?