Awkward Conversations

Barnes is getting ready to leave for school right now.

I was up late lastnight reading an awesome book making the kids' lunches, and I am dragging.

When he comes into the kitchen every morning it's always a surprise to see how the morning will unfold. Will he be chipper, chatty, a little on the bitchy side, or quiet. God forbid he's quiet!

So this morning he drags his barely dressed self into the den and grumbles a little bit about how tired he is. Then he bangs around in the kitchen to find something to eat. At some point he realizes, "hey, I need to get some new music on my mp3" so he rummages around, brings it to me, and I get him loaded up with some new tunes.

This is about when he drops it on me...

What's a douche? Is it really shaped like a baby bottle?

REALLY?!? It's not even 6:00am and you throw this at me?!

UGH.

So I did what I always do... I took a deep breath and told him all of the nitty-gritty details. I felt awkward, I'm not gonna lie. I don't know if HE did. But hey, now he can get on the bus and have an educated conversation about feminine hygiene, cootchie stank, and what a douche REALLY looks like, and how it works, right?

It makes me feel better knowing that that he heard the correct information from me, rather than the maybe-not-so-accurate bullshit information that he has obviously heard from someone else's idiot child at school.

I need more caffeine...

~Ethel~

It's Time To MAN UP!

I'm sick. Terribly sick. I think I have the flu. I went to the doctor yesterday and was told that it is some sort of "virus." I should be good to go in 7-10 days. The problem is, my dear husband doesn't get it. He thinks that I'm not-so-sick just because I didn't get a prescription. Perhaps I should appease him by taking some sugar pills? I don't know.

Last night, he dragged me all over town running errands, with the promise of dinner on the other end. I was so tired I could barely eat. He did the same last Friday, the day I first got sick. He expects me to keep up with the kids, laundry, chores, and all just because I'm a woman and that's what I normally do anyway. Yeah, it's my job. Well, guess what? He's off work this week. If he's going to invite his brother over to dinner (which he did, he comes tonight), then why can't my dear husband get off his lazy ass and pick up all of his crap?! If the doctor sends me home to bed, then why can't I just go there? Why? Oh, right, because I'm not that sick.

Now, in all fairness, my dear dear husband has spent the better part of the past few weekends working around the house, doing home improvement-type projects. He's in the middle of one now. But, you know what? The project is outside and it rained all day yesterday, yet who do you think was still stuck changing the baby's poopy diapers?  Man, he needs to man up. I'm going to bed. I'll get up when my cough, aches, and fever are gone or the house falls in.

Lindsey

Discover a myriad of musings, tales, recipes, random thoughts, and quotes of the day, all taken from snapshots of the adventures of One Creative Housewife.

Thanks Lindsey for being our first ever Guest Blogger!!  Come on back and sit a spell...there's dirt to dish, and friends who want to hear what you have to say.

I've Done My Time

I remember how it felt when my children were young. It was fun, exciting, chaotic, noisy, adventurous, and busy. I worked full time until our first was well into school, and then became a SAHM when the others came along. When the juggling act would become a little overwhelming, I would sometimes think about how many more years I had until they were all graduated and out of the house. It sounds awful, I know, but anyone who says that those thoughts NEVER cross their mind is just flat lying.

At any rate... It is fucking irritating amusing to me when I am having one of "those" days and mention my struggles on a certain social networking site, only to have someone say "Well I have a lot longer to go than you do". Whaaaat? Are you kidding me? Because last I checked, I started having my babies when you were in elementary school biznatch!!

I have EARNED each and every day of mothering that I have under my belt, and if you don't like it I really don't give a shit! Suck it up and breathe through it. Motherhood is no picnic, so if you need someone to pat you on the back or give you a hug when you've had a hard day - I'm your girl, I've been there too. Just save the sappy, needy responses about how much worse your lot in life is than mine.  Even though my kids were reading on a collegiate level in preschool (hahaha!), my kids didn't exactly potty train themselves.

No more potty training, no more weening them from the binkie, no more screaming temper tantrums in the grocery stores, no more preschool. I have traded all of that for trying to make sure that my child doesn't sneak out of the house at night, arguments before school about appropriate school attire, why MY money is not THEIR money, discussions about a first car (that's a laugh), and being "The Enforcer" on days when homework doesn't have quite the same appeal as playing outside.

I've done my time!

~Ethel~

Memory Book Upset

Barnes has a date for Homecoming this year.  (YAY!)  I don't know where the tradition of mums came from, or who thought of such a thing, but we are tradition followers, and therefore "Project Mum 2010" is officially in action. My hot glue gun is ready for action, and I have tons of gaudy ribbons, bells, glittery lettering, and items to create the wonderfulness that every high school girl looks forward to.

Fred has a friend from high school, named Shelly, that had offered to help answer any questions that I might have on putting one of these deals together. So after a couple of trips to the stores to collect a preliminary batch of supplies, I began to feel the need to make sure I do it right the first time, and decided to take her up on her offer. She kindly said that we could drop by that afternoon, at our leisure.

NOW, according to Fred, he and Shelly dated in high school but it was never a big deal, they were always more friends than anything else. He maintains that it was never really a serious relationship. They reconnected through FB about a year ago, and we've even gone to dinner with she and her current boyfriend. They're really nice couple and it's been a pretty positive experience as of yet.

So I told him that I was going to go have her look at my preliminary collection of SHIT and let me know if there was anything else that we needed to get. He just laughed and said, "She made mums all through high school, so she'll be a good person to ask. I'll bet you $20 she even still has her memory book!" HAHAHAHA....whatever. Scarlett (our daughter) decided that she wanted to go along with me, so we loaded up the goods and drove over to Shelly's house.

Shelly was VERY helpful! She gave me tips on the assembly, ideas for little things to add, and let me look at some of other mums as a reference. Then, as we were talking I mentioned, "Hey, Fred was laughing when I told him that I was going to come over, and said to ask you if you still had your memory book!" LOL ....Of course she did!! Her daughter found the box and brought it right down for us to see.

As she was flipping through the book she showed Scarlett and I several pictures of her Senior mum. THEN she flipped to the pages (yes, not one but TWO full pages) that were solely devoted to her and Fred. She had drawn hearts. His full name written in her very best handwriting. Pictures of them together, hugging at various events. Yeah, they weren't just friends...they were HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS!!! Looking at the book made me feel like someone had just punched me in the stomach. She cheerfully said that, at some point after high school, someone had told her that she should try to get back together with Fred. She also told me that when we were on our way over to her house, her son had asked her who Fred was, and her current boyfriend said "Your mother's high school sweetheart". ....Nice.

Scarlett and I didn't stay very much longer after that whole revelation. I don't know that there's a Hallmark thank you card that would quite capture how I felt. Maybe....

"Thanks for the help! Now it's time to get a grip and move the fuck on!?"

OR

"Thanks for the help! I liked you BEFORE, but now you seem less interesting and more ignorant."

I think that there are appropriate ways to discuss prior relationships with someone's wife. Mentioning that there were considerations about trying to rekindle the old flame?....not so much! Needless to say, if I have any questions about mum assembly from this point on, I will be looking for answers elsewhere.

~Ethel~