Monday, November 29, 2010

God Save the Queen (and Our Secret)

Last week, Gretchen a.k.a. Texan Mama discussed how watching Say Yes to the Dress is a guilty pleasure of hers.  She likes to see all the drama surrounding selecting a wedding dress and is absolutely appalled at the price some pay for their dresses.  She issued a call for everyone to write a post this Monday about our wedding dresses and their accompanying stories and link up over on her blog.

I had loads of drama surrounding my wedding, but not my dress.  I messaged her telling her what happened but that there was no way I could post that story on my blog.  She wrote back saying it was a great story and couldn't I find a way to publish it anyway?  Why yes, yes I can!  So.. I headed over to The Clothesline to dish my dirt.

One summer, more than a decade ago, I went to visit my then-boyfriend who was stationed overseas.  I stayed a month and while there, we decided we couldn't live without each other any longer and began making plans to marry.  We called his family and they freaked the hell out.  Until that moment, I had no idea his family didn't like me.. they were always very nice to me.. but impending marriage brought out their true colors and war was declared on me.  His mother actually called back a little later and tried to talk him out of it.  We knew right then that the wedding- which we were planning for four months away would not go well.  And it didn't.

There was so much drama surrounding the wedding it was ridiculous.  Two days before the wedding, we all went to see my husband's nephew play hockey and in the middle of the game, my future sister-in-law decided to lay into me(completely unprovoked).  She just started telling me off in public.. telling me how selfish I was and how she didn't think we should get married.  She was yelling at me in front of everyone and I totally didn't see it coming.  I was mortified and upset that my fiancee wasn't coming to my rescue.  He told her a few times to stop it, but she wouldn't and he just sat there and let it happen.  I found out later that these tirades were very typical for his sister and he thought nothing of it because he was used to it.  When I started crying, she started taunting me, "Oh.. go call your mommy... baby!  See?  A BABY shouldn't get married."  I will NEVER forget it.

It caused a huge fight between my fiancee and myself and the night of the rehearsal, he called me to ask a question.  While on the phone with me, his mother was in the background and said she was running by the florist in the morning to pick up the flowers she ordered for the altar and was there anything there I wanted her to pick up for me.  I told him yes, the flowers I had ordered for my mother and for his were there and could she pick them up and bring them to the church.  He relayed the message and his sister was in the background and started mouthing... " No!  I'm not picking up SHIT for her!  She can get it herself...." etc etc.  It caused another huge fight and we went to the rehearsal that night barely speaking to each other.  His sister did not come... she made a grand scene before all their family that had travelled in for the wedding announcing she did not support the marriage and would NOT be attending any of it. Which in turn caused all of them to BEG her to go, which is what she wanted.

The day of the ceremony and the reception were equally as drama-filled because, of course, she decided to go and show her ass.  If I wrote the whole story, this would be a novel, so I will just leave it at the fact that I was thankful we were leaving and moving far far away from them all.  My wedding was NOT a happy event and not anything I care to remember.

But, here's the juicy part:  In a flash of brilliance, we anticipated the wedding might include drama amongst the families ( we didn't anticipate that it would be THAT nasty!) and four months earlier, after the phone call with his mother, we made a very important appointment.  And three days later, at the Shire Hall with our British neighbors as our witnesses, we married- just the two of us- in a beautiful old village in England.  And afterwards, we walked through the town centre- Ricky in his suit and I in my white dress- and had lunch at McDonald's.

So, I will always tell you my anniversary is November 21- but I'm telling a white lie.  It is actually July 25.  And I DO have a happy memory of my wedding after all.

Here is a photo our witnesses took of us walking through town centre on our way to McDonald's.  I think it is far enough away, that you can't see any distinguishing features.

(image is of the actual Shire Hall where we were married and the actual McDonald's where we dined, but are not my own- they were obtained from a google search online)



  1. That is awesome. I love so much that you and he did that and that they all think they ruined your day when in actuality that didn't even know that you were already married. I would so have to tell them and rub it in their faces.

  2. Oh, Lucy, how I wish that you could have seen my face when I realized what your dirty little secret is/was. I think I may have had to scoop my chin up off of the kitchen counter and try to shake off the disbelief....reread....and reread it again.

    How awesome that you pulled one over on that SKANK that you must call a sister-in-law.

    I will keep your secret and never tell. I can't say that I won't think about it and laugh a little bit (to myself) the next time that I see your mother...but I PROMISE that your secret will not be revealed by my doing.

    ***** (5 stars!)

  3. I'm sorry your pretend wedding sucked, but am thrilled your real wedding was wonderful and sweet.

  4. What a miserable life your sil must have. I am so glad you got married in July! On my way through reading about all the weddings. Karen

  5. HA! BRILLIANT! Loved every word!!!

    WHile I was reading, I was like, "OH NO SHE DI-INT!" I would have bitch-slapped her. Then I realized, no, it's the day before the wedding. This isn't Springer. I probably would've done just like you did.

    Although, something jumps out at me: she sounds like a huge bully (obviously) and sometimes bullies back down once you show them you aren't going to put up with their shit anymore. Did you ever stand up to her? you know, to just make family holidays that much more FUN?