Thursday, September 30, 2010

Fred's Mowing Diggs

Some people are such idiots. REALLY.

While I maintain an immaculate, pristinely kept home where the bed sheets are ironed, and there are decorative soaps in each of the bathrooms, Fred and Barnes handle all things "outdoors". The two of them are responsible for the upkeep and maintenance of the yard. That's just the way it is.  And when they are tending to the yard, the guys always wear their finest. :) Fred wears old shorts, a grubby hat, some boots, and a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off during the summer months. He won't be featured on GQ, but he dresses for WORK. Nuttin' but the finest, folks!

Several of our neighbors also do their own yard work.  One of our particular favorites is a clown who has a riding lawnmower and wears a pair of those headphones that the gun range lug nuts use to protect their ears from the loud noises.  The houses in our area are built on about 1/3 of an acre, so it's totally manageable with a regular mower.  Oh yeah, and he frequently sports his Revenge of the Nerds physique...SHIRTLESS!

I got a phone call from this particular neighbor's wife one Saturday morning.  She called giggling...

NW:  Hey Ethel, I was just looking out my front window and saw Fred out there mowing the yard.  (chuckling)

Me:  Oh yeah!?

NW:  Have you ever seen that show "Swamp People"?  (more laughing)

Me:  Yeah, we love it!

NW:  Well I was just thinking that Fred looks like he could be on that show!  He's dressed about like they do on the show.  You know, with the hat, boots, and the pretty shirt?

Me:  He really dresses up, doesn't he?

NW:  Yep!  I just thought it was too funny, so I thought I would give you a buzz and have a laugh.  :)

Me:  Thanks.  He doesn't exactly mow shirtless, but he does have his own brand of class, right?

....we chatted awkwardly for about 30 seconds longer and then said "good-bye" after a few niceties.

How nervy that this wife-of-a-lug-nut would call me just to say that my husband resembles the kind of knuckle draggers that are featured on "Swamp People"?  Those people need SUBTITLES, bitch!

I couldn't even mask my irritation.  We haven't really run into eachother since that fateful morning.  Peculiar!?  I think not.  She should rethink her angle before punching my digits into her phone next time.  After all, she's married to the dude who mows his 100 sq ft on a RIDER!  Maybe this is his idea of "a warm up" before he starts shopping in "The Scooter Store" catalog?  MAYBE?  Hmm?  Hmm?  Idiot.



  1. Niiiice! I can't believe someone would have the nerve to call just to mock your husband! And watch mocking the swamp people... I'm pretty sure I'm related to some of 'em.

  2. This totally cracks me up. I hate it when the neighbors walk around without a shirt. Here it is middle age men that think they look good, but they so do not.

  3. Wow, I can't stand ignorant people but it seems to be worse sometimes when they're your neighbors. I'm your newest follower from FFF I hope you can stop by

  4. Hi I am Nicole from I found you on a Follow Friday blog hop and wanted to drop by and say hi. I really like your blog, and am now a new follower. I would love to have you stop by Colie’s Kitchen if you get a chance.

  5. Hi! I'm your newest follower form Friday Blog Hops. I hope you'll stop by sometime.


  6. Speaking of dryer just broke! Off to the laundry mat i guess! lol
    Btw,I'm a new follower from Friendly Friday Follow. I would love it if you could stop by my blog as well! I hope you have a great Friday!

  7. I'm a new follower! Would love for you to check out my blog and follow back!!

  8. seriously?!? As if someone would do that? People confuse me sometimes.

    Here from FF, have a great weekend!

  9. To funny. she should really check her hubbys attire before commenting on others... Following from Friday follow blog hops. hop on over and check mine out

  10. I'm your newest follower from a blog hop. Come stop by Punky Monkeys, maybe you will want to follow back?!??!

    Have a great day!